Learning to Breathe
by onlyyoujarly
Summary: Revised history. Lucky is the shoulder Sam always cries on, but Jason is always the one she returns to. LuSam
1. Chapter 1

**Things you need to know...**

**Sam never watched Jake get kidnapped or slept with Ric. **  
**Lucky slept with Maxie once, and Liz caught them. He was never addicted to drugs, he did turn to alcohol. **  
**Jake was Jason's, but was stillborn. **  
**Lucky and Sam never slept together, and have been close friends since the Liason/Jake fiasco. He was still her bodyguard for a short time.**  
**Instead, Sam and Jax reunited for a very short time.**  
**Lucky tried to hold his family together, but failed.**  
**Greg is Lucky**

It was three in the morning when she barged into his house, hysterical. Tears were coursing down her face, her eye make up smeared across her high cheekbones.

"Lucky." His name was a strangled whisper, and immediately she was in his arms.

"I got you," he promised, as he moved them over to the couch.

"He's going to prison, Lucky. To prison…maybe for life."

For a short moment he felt elated, but when she began to shudder in his arms, he regretted it. He hated relishing in her pain over Jason, but he always seemed to. More so now than ever. Because, he wanted to be the one who gave her the baby Jason refused her, the one to marry her, and put her before everything else. But, just like every other time, he knew this was a temporary situation, and that when she worked it out with Jason, the late visits would end.

Even though it had been him who had held her, while she cried over how she thought she had failed Kristina. While Jason was running to Carly's rescue every other day, he held Sam into the early morning, reassuring her she was not to blame for her sister's choice in men. The entire time he had wanted to scream 'hey, I'm here. The kind of guy you want for you sister, but not for yourself', but he didn't.

It was him who had bent the law countless times, risked his job, for the sake to keep Jason free. But, it was Jason she would return to every time.

"He's not even his son. He is Sonny's. Why can't he go to jail for him? Or Jax? Why does it have to be Jason?"

He simply rocked her, and murmured reassurances, and denied any insults she accused herself of. He wasn't about to say it was okay, because lying was something he had never done to Sam. He had bared his entire soul to her, except for one tiny fact. That he loved her since the day he walked in her apartment and found her crying.

* * *

He watched her with Jason, the genuine smile that lit up her face every time she was in another man's arms. A man that never seemed to be him. Even when they had both been single, both spiraled out of control over the betrayal of their significant others, she turned to another for comfort.

He had been deemed as her bodyguard, a shoulder to cry on, but never the man who held her through lonely nights, or worshipped her body the way she deserved. Every man but him had that luxury.

Even now, when Jason was about to throw away the life they had planned for the sake of another woman's son, she was his. He knew it was a matter of time before she stumbled into his home again, drunk as hell and sobbing. But, it wouldn't go any farther than a few comforting words, and her confession of her undying love for Jason.

Finally, she noticed his presence, and smiled at him. Jason released her from his arms, and she walked over to him. For a moment he allowed himself to imagine her in a white gown, a brilliant smile on her face as they exchanged vows.

But, for now that smile was reserved for Jason, even if it was directed towards him now. She would lie to herself, and convince herself that Jason lover her over all else. Then, when he was finally behind bars in a short few hours, she would be back in his arms. Crying and helplessly clawing at him.

* * *

Shattered glass covered her apartment floor, some embedded in the flesh of her hands. He cursed silently, and slammed the door of her apartment, before hurrying over to her.

"Lucky." A strangled whisper, just like every other time. "I want to support his decision to protect Michael. I should, I know because what he is doing is selfless. And look at me crying over spilt milk, and only thinking of myself."

He sat down beside her on the couch, and pulled her against his chest.

"I'm sorry, Lucky. You must hate me. You're always the strong one. You never complain when I rip you away from Cameron, or wake him up with my drunken outrage."

"Don't be." He wanted to tell her she was the reason he was still breathing. That when the truth about his now dead son really belonged to Jason, he had clung to her, just as much her to him. But, he didn't, because he couldn't be second to Jason again.


	2. Chapter 2

Carly's laugh was low and mocking. "You think Jason loves you? You can't possibly be that stupid. He's in jail for my son. For our son!"

She knew she was being harsher than Sam deserved, but she was so tired of having to see the man she loved parade around with all these little girls. Women who didn't make plans, and make her own life go up in flames, making him douche another's fire. Women who didn't love him so much it hurt.

But, Sam did. She loved him so much that it hurt, and that's what made it worse. The possibility that another woman could love her Jason so passionately, and be all that he needed made her physically and emotionally ache.

Because, if he ever woke up and realized that Sam loved him with just as much as intensity as she did, he would surely kick her out of his life. There wouldn't be any use for her, not when Sam could be everything she was and not hurt him over and over.

Sam felt the sting of tears, and tried, but failed, to blink them away. The other woman seemed to start to tear up a bit, as the next words left her lips.

"He isn't even willing to marry you, so you can see him."

The truth of those words hit both woman so hard they both nearly lost their footing. It was Carly's son he went to jail for, but it was Sam's bed he was in. For that they hated each other.

Sam looked down at her feet, before looking straight into the taller woman's eyes. "You're right, he won't marry me. Not yet, but once he is free you are certainly not going to become Mrs. Morgan."

Carly's arm went back, and mere seconds before it would connect with her face, Lucky restrained the blonde.

"You both need to stop. This is a police station, try to keep your personal problems out of it. We already have enough work to do regarding Franco."

Lucky released Carly, before pulling Sam into an empty interrogation room.

"Sam, what was that about?"

She shrugged, her dark eyes watering with unshed tears. He pulled her into his arms.

"I know that you are hurting, and that this entire situation is difficult for you, but fighting with Carly isn't gonna help." He wanted to say that Jason wasn't worth it, but to Sam he was, so he remained silent.

She sniffled quietly, and murmured into his chest, "Can I come over tonight?"

He smiled sadly, and pulled away from her to brush hair from her face.

"Of course, you don't ever have to ask. I'm gonna try to get out of here soon, but with Franco still being on the loose, it might be a while. Why don't you go to Kelly's, get some coffee and relax."

Sam wiped a tear from her face, suddenly feeling foolish. "I'll be fine, Lucky. You need to spend some time with Cameron tonight. Aren't you and Liz supposed to be having a family dinner for him tonight?"

Lucky nodded, and wiped the few remaining tears on her cheeks away. "Yeah, but you are still welcome to come. You're always welcome."

She smiled, and warmth filled his heart. "How bout you give me call when Liz leaves," she suggested. "As long as it's not too late." She quickly added.

"I'm here, Sam. Day and night."

"You need to sleep, Lucky."

He winked at her. "That's what breaks are for." Jokingly he looked around them. "But, don't tell Mac."

A small smile formed on her face, before she erupted into genuine laughter. He tapped the tip of her nose, before brushing it with his own. "Go on to Kelly's, and I'll call you when the dinner is over."

* * *

He was tipsy when he called her, and she could only imagine how bad he was now. But, the broken picture frame on the coffee table meant his pain had been triggered by Liz.

Cautiously, she shut the door behind her, before finding him on the kitchen floor. She gasped at the sight of him leaning against the cabinets, a nearly empty bottle of alcohol held loosely in his left hand.

Sitting down beside him, she took the bottle from him, and placed it in front of them. "What happened?"

He banged his head against the wooded cabinet. "Cameron called Nikolas daddy today. Daddy, not dad or papa. Daddy." Angrily, he wiped the tears from his face. "He sees him more, ya know? I have visitation every other weekend, but my brother sees him almost everyday. He sees my son more than I do."

"It's probably just out of habit, with the new baby coming and everything. I'm sure Nikolas refers himself to Liz's pregnant belly as daddy."

He nodded. "I know, but it still got to me. When Nikolas came to pick Liz and Cam up, his first words were 'hey daddy'."

"But, I know you, and I know you love Cam. And that little boy loves you, too. Every time I see him with Liz, its daddy this and daddy that. He's not talking about Nikolas, trust me. Most of the stories he tells Liz involve me and my stupidity."

He laughs for a moment, but quickly sobers and brushes hair behind her ear. "You're beautiful, Sam. Inside and out, and I'm sorry for tonight. For you finding me this way. This was supposed to be about you, I should be comforting you."

She blushed, and turned her head, concealing her face with her long hair. "Lucky, I think tonight was long overdue. God only knows how much I owe you."

"Sam." His hot breath tickled her ear, and when she turned towards him, he was closer than she had anticipated.

His lips fell to her lips, and for a second she thought he was going to kiss her, but he didn't. The moment was gone when he looked down at the floor. And because she wasn't sure how to react, she began to talk.

"You want me to make you something to eat?"

That question seemed to completely sober him up, and he was on his feet before she was. "No." He laughed. "The last thing either of us need is more drama. And a fire would defiantly be dramatic."

She laughed, and stood. "Hey, I can cook," she protested, but mumbled under her breath "Cereal and tv dinners, and occasionally even toast."

He smiled, and shook his head. He retrieved leftover spaghetti from the fridge, and began to make two places. She watched him in awe, because he knew it was her favorite, and without hesitation he had grabbed it, avoiding his own personal favorite, Chinese. Simply because Chinese brought up memories of Jason, and almost always seemed to make her want to cry.


	3. Chapter 3

She practically bounced into his living room, leaving the front door open, so the summer sun lit up his house. She was smiling, and that in itself was worthy of a grand celebration. Her eyes were lit up, and crinkled from her wide smile, and he found himself smiling back.

She pulled a bag from behind her back, and he narrowed his eyes in suspicion. She shrugged her shoulders innocently, and proceeded to dump the contents on his couch.

His eyes widened at the variation of toys that spilled out. He shook his head, and chuckled. "Sam, you really need to stop spoiling Cameron. I think he is starting to like you more than me."

Her face lit up at that, and she flung herself into his arms, giving him a tight hug. "Where is the little guy?"

His eyes darkened. "At Nikolases."

Her mouth opened, than closed immediately after. "Lucky, I'm sorry. I'll just take these back home with me, and come back later."

He was quick to protest. "No, Sam. I want you to stay. I need you to stay." He cringed at his own words. Pathetic Spencer, he scolded himself silently.

But, she didn't seem to agree, and smiled brightly. "Lucky, I am so lucky to have you in my life."

He smiled slightly, knowing her words didn't mean what he wanted them to mean. She was grateful for his friendship, for never leaving. She had admitted that more than once.

She bit her bottom lip, when he didn't respond, after a few long moments. "Lucky…" Her voice was vulnerable, and she was crawling back into her shell, away from the world.

He smiled. "No, Sam…I'm lucky to have you."

"Yeah?"

"Defiantly."

A smile slowly stretched across her face, and she began to gush over the low prices of the toys she had bought. How she knew she shouldn't spoil Cameron so much, but the deals were just too good to pass up.

He just chuckled. "Ya want something to eat?"

Her eyes narrowed. "Spencer, is that your way of telling me to shut up?"

He shrugged, but didn't deny or confirm her accusation.

She shook her head. "Ya know, even when you're being an ass, you're still really sweet."

"Hey, now. I'm not being an ass…"

She pranced over to him, and kissed his cheek. His entire body hummed from the simple contact, and he had to fight the urge to grab her and claim her as his.

She pulled away from him, in confusion when he tensed beneath her touch. "Lucky, what's wrong?"

If only she knew. "Nothing, just had a long night at the station."

Her eyes were sympathetic. "Well, how bout I make you something to eat?"

He was about to protest, when she laughed and added, "We could have a picnic, and trust me Spencer, even I, being as kitchen challenged as I am, can make sandwiches."

He grimaced, and pretended to think it over. "I don't know…"

She hit his arm playfully, and before he could say anything else, she was in the kitchen. Just to see her smile, he would have agreed to her cooking, but he was more than thankful she hadn't offered to make anything needing an oven…hell even a toaster or microwave.

* * *

"I make some awesome PB&J, don't I?"

He cocked his head to side, and let out a little hmmm.

She glared at him. "Admit it, Spencer. You're PB&J could never top mine."

He sighed, dramatically. "Yeah, you do."

She smiled, and stretched out along the length of the blanket, the hot sun shining off her sweat coated body. She caught him staring, and blushed. "It's really hot out here."

"That it is, McCall."

She shot up, seemingly having had a revelation. Sam and revelations were never a good combination. "I think we should go camping!"

Okay, so maybe this time it was a rational revelation. A very rare occurrence these days. Ever since her relationship with Jason had become rocky, she always seemed to want a danger rush. Even though he always protested, he always relented when she gave him her pout. He wanted to blame it on his Spencer name, but he knew it was because he loved her, more than he ever wanted to love a woman after Elizabeth.

"Alright, sounds fun to me."

She cocked an eyebrow. "That's it? Sounds like fun?"

He shrugged. "For once your idea seems rational, unlike skydiving and bungee jumping."

"Hey, you liked both of those. I could tell. Lucky, you're a Spencer, and have obviously spent way too much time pretending not to be."

He nodded in agreement, and reached into the picnic basket to see what else she had brought, praying that it was edible. Her eyes widened, and she practically plummeted towards him, separating him from the basket.

His eyes narrowed suspiciously. "What did you bring?"

She smiled, sweetly. "Nothing."

"Sam…"

"Lucky…" She sighed, her eyes filling with fake tears. "I kinda…sorwda…ya know?"

"No, I don't know…"

"I tried to make a pie."

He nearly choked on his own spit. "The five minutes you were in my kitchen, you made a pie."

"Hey, you wouldn't let me in there any longer than that, so I had to improvise."

"What exactly is your definition of improvise?"

She shrugged. "Please, Lucky, just forget about it." Her entire face scrunched up in mock innocence, and he sighed, already knowing he was a goner.

"Alright, but only for now."

She smiled in triumphant and took a large bite out of her sandwich. "You owe me a 20, Spencer."

He raised his eyebrows. "And why is that?"

"Cus, we made a bet, remember?"

Oh yeah. Now, he defiantly did. She had pointed out that he had, not once, denied her anything she wanted. He disagreed, and promised her that he would say no next time. Yet, twice in one day, he had broken that promise. She seemed a little too pleased with herself.

He launched on top of her and began to tickle her. She squirmed, and began to giggle. Unbeknownst to her, she had angled her body so it was perfectly aligned with his, her hips bucking against his, as she tried to escape from underneath him.

He felt himself respond to her proximity, and abruptly sat up. She looked at him painfully and rejected. He sighed. The last thing he ever wanted was to hurt her, but every time he was around her it became more difficult to not give into his urges. Even he lusted her, though she seemed ignorant to that fact. Numerous times she had claimed that he was the only man who didn't look at her like that. But, he did, and unfortunately for him, as so much more.


	4. Chapter 4

**5 months later **

**Nov. 29, 2010**

She was beyond hysterical when she burst into his house, her loud sobs waking Cameron from his peaceful slumber. "I saw them…Lucky! Oh God, I saw them. Together, naked!" When Cameron began to join in her crying, she only wept louder.

"Damnit, Sam!" He didn't mean to raise his voice, or sound so harsh, but he was fed up. So fed up with having to clean up her messes, so fed up with himself for continuing to love her.

She shrunk back, her arms crossing in front of her chest, as if to protect herself from anymore pain he would inflict on her.

"I'm sorry, Lucky. I really am. For everything." She looked up at his ceiling, and he could tell she was trying not to start sobbing again. He prepared himself for the drunken speech he was sure he was about to get, but instead her eyes darkened, no emotion in the mocha orbs.

When she spoke again, he realized that there wasn't any alcohol on her breath, or any slur in her words. "I'm sorry," she repeated. "I never meant to cause so much trouble. I knew, Lucky, I knew before we even started this friendship, that the day would come when you realized I was too much handle, and not worth trying to fix. And I don't blame you, I don't. I would have gave up on myself along ass time ago."

He wanted to tell her that there was nothing to fix, that she was perfect just the way she was, and that he loved everything about her. But, she turned around and slammed the door so quickly, he didn't even have a chance to breath.

He cussed loudly, and immediately cringed afterward, when Cam only began to cry even louder at his outburst. He sat down on the couch, and pulled his 4 year old son into his lap.

"Hey, buddy…I'm sorry."

The little boy sniffled, and looked up at him with teary brown eyes. "Are you and Sammy fighting? Do I have to give her back my toys?"

He sighed. "No, buddy. You don't have to give back your toys."

"We're not gonna go to the park tomorrow, are we?"

"Yeah, buddy…we are still going."

"But, not with Sammy."

"No, not with Sam."

He knew he had probably ruined one of the few good things left in his life. She did not deserve his anger, especially after weeks of comforting him after Liz gave birth to Nikolas' baby, and drunkenly confessed that even though he had stopped loving Liz, he had always imagined her being the mother of his biological baby girl.

She had held him, without complaint. Cussed at him, yelled at him, but there was always a heartwarming compassion in her tone. He had lost count of all the times she had to physically wrestle all forms of alcohol from his hands; of all the times she had been the one to calm Cameron down when he fumbled down the stairs with tears in his eyes.

But, no matter much it hurt to break a promise he had made to Sam, he couldn't comfort her anymore. Not when her tears were always triggered by Jason, and most importantly her unconditional love for him. He couldn't be the sweet, understanding friend that she ran to. He couldn't handle being mocked by her tears, the shining of her eyes only proving everything he already knew.

He knew it was cruel to just abandon her, and that if she ran back through his door, he would beg for forgiveness. But, she didn't, and more than likely wouldn't.

He had hurt her, carved a new scar on her already shattered heart. But, none of that changed what hurt him the most.

She didn't love him. She loved Jason, and only Jason.

* * *

The cold wind cut through her without pity, as she aimlessly walked around. She couldn't bring herself to visit her little girl, not without Lucky. Not when she had just walked out on a little boy.

Not when she had caught the man, she had always considered Lila's father, tangled with a very naked Carly, on the couch in the Pent House. Her couch, Jason's couch…the couch they had shared for years off and on.

She closed her eyes, and brought her hand up to mouth to muffle the sobs, as they built up in the back of her throat. She couldn't remember ever feeling this empty, besides when she had lost Lila. But, even then, her grief had been triggered by the idea of having a family with Jason. She had never met her daughter, didn't know her.

But, she loved Lucky. She knew him, had memorized every single detail about his facial expressions, mannerisms. The way his eyes lit up when she made him laugh, and the way his eyes darkened with anger and pain when they talked about Liz, much like they had darkened when he had basically told her it was over.

But, it didn't matter. It couldn't, because she didn't love him, not like that. When her and Jason reconnected, she would be able to let go of Lucky. When she got the chance to beat the shit out of Carly, the ache inside her would diminish slightly.

It had to, it was as simple as that. Even though she knew, deep now, it was way more than just simple. It was complicated, and heartbreaking.


	5. Chapter 5

The snow was falling in small flurries, speckling her dark ponytail with snowflakes, the white a great contrast from her black hair. If he didn't know any better, he would have thought it was halo. But, he knew Sam…knew her better than anyone else.

And she was anything but an angel. She was vindictive, and at one time had confessed that if he hadn't clung to her, she would have hurt Liz in the worst of possible ways. But, she didn't, and to Lucky, that was what mattered.

He watched, helplessly, when she fell into the thin layer of snow, and in front of her little girl's grave. The shuddering of her shoulders broke something he thought had already been broken by Liz. His heart.

She was dressed in all black, only a tiny tank top protecting her upper body from the winter chill, and that made his hatred for Jason increase tenfold. Because during the short months he had been in prison, she had dressed in all colors, in various combinations. But, his personal favorite had been yellow.

The first day the 'love of her life' was freed, and she was covered completely in black, like a dutiful sidekick. Her shoulders stopped shaking for a short moment, before she completely erupted into sobs.

Without a second thought about his pride, or her sometimes deceitful ways, he rushed to her side, and was lifting her into his arms, and out of the rapidly growing layer of snow.

"Lucky…" Her voice was soft, and more vulnerable than he had ever heard before. Her eyes were shining with hope, and right then he swore that he would never make her doubt him again.

He set her on her feet, and proceeded to brush snow off of her shivering body. He stripped off his leather jacket, and laid it across her shoulders, pressing a kiss to her forehead.

She smirked halfheartedly. "Trying to cop a feel, Spencer."

He smiled sadly at the tremor in her voice, and shook his head. "No, Sam. If I was, you would know. Trust me."

Her smiled brightened for a second, before it faltered all together. "Lucky, what are you doing here?"

He sighed, and wiped a lone tear from her left cheek. "I came to find you."

"How'd ya know…"

He pressed his finger to her lip. "I'm sorry I forgot. There really isn't any excuse, and I can't apologize enough for how I treated you earlier tonight."

She shook her head, and stepped away from him. "Why, Lucky? Why do you do that?"

"Do what?"

"Act like you can fix me, and that I won't break you."

He sensed her pulling away and retreating back into her shell, so he naturally stepped closer to her and placed his hands on her shoulders, as if touching her would keep her with him emotionally.

"There's nothing to fix…" he whispered, and he could have sworn her eyes lingered on his lips, and her breathing became labored.

She shook her head. "No, Lucky. Don't…just don't…I…I can't."

He let out a disappointed sigh, but reverted the path of his lips so they touched her cheek. He nodded to himself, but didn't press the subject. In fact, she seemed to be the one who was struggling to let it go.

"I just…Lucky. Wow…look at me…I'm a babbling idiot."

"You're not an idiot."

She shook her head, and ignored his comment. "I care about you so much, Lucky. You have no idea, and without you…I don't even want to think where I'd be now."

"It's okay, Sam. You don't have to explain. I've been testing our friendship by trying to stretch the boundaries the past few days, and…"

He seemed to agitate her, and when she interrupted him, her voice was desperate. "No, Lucky. I…it's me. I care about you too much to go there. Ever. Okay? Cus, everyone who has ever touched me…eventually becomes repulsed. And I don't want that…not with you. I wouldn't be able to heal from that. Jason and I started as friends, and now….look at us. I have always accepted that you're in love with Liz, and I respect that as much as I can…considering my hatred for her. And maybe four years ago, I would have willingly landed in your bed…"

"Is that what you think, Sam? I want you in my bed?"

"Lucky…"

"Because, Sam, you're right. But, I want you everywhere else too. I want to be in every aspect of your life, and I want to be the guy for you. You're guy, and not just some friend you run to when Jason treats you badly. But, if that's what you need, well I'm here. I always have been. I always will be."

Her eyes shimmered with tears at his words. "Lucky…" This time, she was the one who moved her lips within a breath from his.

"What the hell is going on here?"

Sam jumped away from him, just as his lips barely skimmed hers.

"Jason…what are you doing here?"

He ran his hands down his face. "To see my daughter on the anniversary of her death. Which I thought you would be doing…"

Immediately, Sam's defenses were up. "Don't Jason. Don't you dare question my intentions towards my daughter, especially on tonight of all nights. You never cared about her, before."

"I loved that baby as much as you did, and it killed me when we lost her."

She laughed bitterly. "Only out of obligation to protect Carly."

"Don't bring her into this…"

"No, Jason. She's been in 'this' from the beginning. It's always been about Carly and her faux helplessness."

That seemed to set Jason off, and for the first time in three years she saw just how passionate he could be. "She's been through a lot these past couple years, and you know that!"

As soon as he rose his voice, Lucky was stepping between them. "Hey now, there's no reason for that. Sam's been nothing but loyal to you…"

Jason raised his eyebrows. "And what do you guys do during the hours you're together?"

Lucky felt his anger rise. "We talk…mostly about you, and what you did to hurt her that week…"

"Lucky…" Sam protested, but he was on a roll.

"You really don't realize what you got, do ya, Morgan? The way she loves you over all else, and how she hasn't so much as glanced at another man…"

"Except you," Jason interjected.

"As a friend. Jason. That's it. You really are the most ignorant man I've ever met."

Jason took a menacing step towards Lucky, and Sam moved between them.

"Stop this! Both of you!" She began to sob. "You supposedly both care about me, and are here with me cus of your love for my daughter, but the truth is…you just like competing over who I belong to. I don't belong to either of you, not anymore."

She shook her head, and began to walk towards Kelly's, set on renting a room for the night. Jason's eyes became softer, and began to water slightly.

When he failed to go after her, Lucky did.

* * *

"What do you want, Lucky?"

"To see if you're okay."

She shook her head. "Well, at least I don't have to go by your place later." She took his jacket from her shoulders and shoved it into his hands.

"Sam…don't. Don't act like this…please."

She stopped abruptly. "Lucky…" Her voice was pleading.

"At least let me walk you home."

"I'm not going home. I can't see Jason...not tonight."

"Then where?"

"Kelly's."

"Sam, you know you can stay with me."

Her bottom lip began to tremble, her barely contained sobs making her voice strained. "I meant everything I said, Lucky. I…I can't lose you. Not the way I lost Jason and Jax. This way, neither of us get hurt too badly. Let's both just step away from the situation, and breathe…and when this all passes…"

"It's not gonna, pass. At least not for me."

"Please, Lucky. It's gotta, cus I can't lose you. I need you in my life, please don't let me ruin this. Just let it go, please."

"Sam, I lo-"

Her eyes widened, and she shook her head frantically. "NO! Lucky, no! Don't say it, okay. Just go home to your son. He needs you, and I've been taking too much of your time away from him lately."

"Sam…"

"Lucky…just go home."


	6. Chapter 6

After countless unanswered calls to Sam's cell phone, and her not stopping by his place every other day, he became worried. And even worse, he felt rejected. After a week of no word from her, he was searching the town frantically, asking questions, and becoming a borderline stalker.

After a few hours of searching, he forced himself to visit Jason, and when he walked in on him, naked, and tangled with Carly on the couch, he nearly lost it. But, as soon as it was obvious Jason didn't know where she was, he was gone, all thoughts of physically harming the hit man gone.

It wasn't until Maxie burst into his house at 2 AM, rambling about how he was an ass, and how it was all his fault, were his fears verified. She had tears in her eyes, as she did a 160 from being angry to crying, her small voice babbling about Spinelli and Matt.

He could barely follow the conversation, because she was talking so fast, but as soon as the words 'Sam, left town' came out of her mouth, he was completely aware of her jumbled, emotional words.

"She left?" He choked the words out.

She nodded. "Yep, cus you and Jason couldn't get over yourselves. Now, she's gone, and it's not like many friends before she left, but now I have well….like none. I understand she needs to 'find' herself, but I still blame your ego!"

"Is that what she said? That she left because of me?"

"Yes!" pause "Not exactly, but she seemed like she had just given up, so naturally I blame you…cus you are nice, and will actually listen to me bitch, as opposed to Jason kicking me out of his apartment, cus I'm 'driving him crazy'. That's what Carly does…and I'm not anything like her. At all!"

By then, he had completely tuned her out. Sam had left, just left, without saying goodbye to him. And he might be to blame. He had hurt her, and all because he had allowed himself to think that he could be her hero.

Instead, he had been selfish, pushed her, and practically begged her to be with him, mere hours after Jason's betrayal.

* * *

It had seven months since Sam left town, and suddenly there she was, her stomach slightly rounded, as she stared at the water from the docks, as if it were the most amazing thing she had ever seen. Her dark hair was blowing in the summer breeze, her skin tanner than it had been before she left.

"Sam…" Her name was barely a whisper, but she heard it anyway, and turned around.

Her eyes flashed with something he didn't quite recognize, and that bothered him more than he thought it ever would. He knew her, better than he knew himself, and had always been able to read her, even when she hadn't wanted him to.

Now, she was a complete stranger. He smiled, and despite the awkwardness of the situation, it was genuine because she was there, in front of him. He looked down at her stomach, then back up to her face, which was glowing because of him noticing the change.

"Congratulations."

She nodded, casually. "Thanks."

She turned back towards the water, her expression serene for a few short minutes, before she grimaced in pain. She screamed his name, and clenched at her stomach.

He stood there, frozen, not sure of what to do. Then, he rushed over to her, and scooped her into his arms, ignoring the burning in his arms at the unexpected weight of both her and her baby.

* * *

After hours of sitting in the waiting area, the doctor gave him permission to go see her. Hesitantly, he opened the door to her room, fearing that she would be laying there, crying, with her, once again, flat stomach.

Once, the door was completely, and he could see her, he let out a sigh of relief. She was okay, they were okay.

"Lucky." The strangled sound of her voice, and the tears on her face, contradicted what he would assume was a happy outcome.

He closed the door, and sat in the chair next to her bed, taking her hand in his.

"They said I should terminate some of them. That carrying five babies would too strenuous for my already damaged uterus."

He couldn't stop his eyes from widening at the number of babies that were being sheltered her in tiny body.

She laughed, bitterly. "Yeah, that was my reaction, too. Five babies, Lucky! Five! I've always wanted a second chance at being a mother, and after my PI business picked up, I started saving for artificial insemination. After that….fight we had…I left, cus I heard New York City had better doctors."

She wiped some tears from blotchy cheeks. "I had them put eight eggs in me, cus the odds of having multiples is very unlikely, and now…I have five. Five…wow. I don't think I can handle one, that's why I came back…cus I knew I would need you."

She gazed up at him unsurely, and he was about to say there was no way she could need him more, than he needed her. But, she began to ramble again.

"But, five. There's no way I can raise all of them, or even afford to feed them. And my only two options are either terminate some of them, terminate Lucky. I would have to look at a screen, and pick what babies I wanted to die. I couldn't….but if I don't I could die along with all the babies. Even if I don't die, I have to be on bed rest for the rest of my pregnancy, and believe it or not I'm only two months along. So that's seven months without a job, or any income. "

He squeezed her hand. "I'm here, Sam. I'll do anything I can to make sure you and all five of those babies make it through this."

She shook her head. "I couldn't ask you to do that. You already have a son to support, and…"

"Sam, those babies are gonna need some kind of father figure, and if you would let me…I would like to be that."

"Of course, Lucky, but…"

"No, buts, Sam. I want you and the babies to come home with me. Cops don't make that much, but it'll be enough til you can go back to work. Alexis' and my dad would probably help us. My dad is always looking for ways to bring more Spencers into the world…"

She opened her mouth to protest, but he just continued, almost in a dreamy state.

"The house isn't really big enough for six small kids, but they can share rooms til we can figure something else out. And Cam is already excited about Liz's new baby, I can't even imagine how happy he would be to learn he has five more playmates on the way. Especially, if one is a boy."

"Lucky…I couldn't ask…"

"Then, don't ask."

"Lucky…"

"Just accept."


	7. Chapter 7

Right after Alexis had Sam's discharge papers taken care of, Robin was trying to help Sam off the bed and into a wheelchair, Jason came charging in, his jaw set, and eyes cold.

"How could you have left town, without telling me?" He demanded, motioning down to her large protruding stomach.

Robin looked at Jason, and was hesitant to leave Sam alone, until Alexis and Lucky hurried in.

She opened her mouth to yell back, but Lucky beat her to it.

"Morgan, what the hell are you doing here?"

Jason glared at him. "Trying to figure out why I've been lied to about my own child."

Lucky tensed at his choice of words. Who was he to even refer to such a topic, especially when his baby boy had died, before he could learn he wasn't even his. "You don't know a thing about what's going on with Sam and her babies!"

"Babies! It's been seven months, and I am just now finding out…when it's almost time for you to give birth."

"Jason, I think it's best you leave. You are only stressing my daughter out, and this is a very delicate pregnancy."

Jason's facial features softened, as if he had just noticed their predicament. "Are they okay?"

Sam nodded. "Yeah, Jason, they are. But, they aren't yours." She was quick to add "Or Lucky's. Jason, I'm only two months along."

Her ex lover looked down at her large abdomen, and his eyes widened. "How?"

She sighed. She really didn't want to explain it all over again. She was pregnant, huge, hungry, and tired. "I'm carrying five babies."

"Wow…"

"Yeah, wow, Morgan. Now, move so we can get her out of here," Lucky growled.

Jason glared at him, and walked towards Sam, and knelt down beside her. He brushed hair out of her face, and smiled slightly. "I'm happy for you, and I'm sorry I could never give you this," he whispered, brushing a light kiss to her cheek.

She wanted to scream, to demand for him to come back, when he left. After three years together, and being able to push through Ric, Liz, and baby Jake, and still make it out alive, and he was just walking away. Giving her only those words. Not even two sentences. And all because of Carly; who had taken Jax, Sonny, and now Jason.

Lucky replaced Jason's spot beside her, and snuggled his nose into her neck, and even though it was irritating, she knew his reason for doing it, he was afraid to lose yet another child to Jason.

* * *

"Ya know, I'm not invalid. I can poop by myself."

Lucky rolled his eyes, and rested against the door jam. "I'm sure you can…"

She narrowed her eyes, knowing there was more.

"But, that doesn't mean I'm gonna let you."

She let out a moan, and immediately he was kneeling down beside her. "What's wrong?"

She shrugged his hand off her shoulder. "You in my face while I'm trying to shit!"

He chuckled. "You're cute with hormones."

He was almost glowing, and Sam almost laughed. She was sure, that if it was possible, he would want the experience of carrying them, and feeling them kick inside him.

At the image of a pregnant Lucky, she did laugh…hysterically.

Lucky glared, but was soon smiling. "What's so funny?"

After a few more seconds of breath stealing laughter, she answered, "You…pregnant." She began to laugh again.

"Alright, McCall…are you done?"

She glared. "What, you don't think it's funny…?"

"I think you need to get back to bed."

"I've been up for ten minutes, tops…and I can wipe myself."

Lucky chuckled. "Let's hope so, cus that's one thing I won't do."

But, Sam knew, if he had to, he would. She rolled her eyes, at her own assumption, and smiled slightly at his concern.

She wiped, and proceeded to stand up, and bend over to pull Lucky's boxers back over her hips. She let out a small squeak, when he did it for her.

He winked at her, enjoying her shocked face, and scooped her into his arms.

"Lucky, I'm huge. Like beyond huge. Not the huge that woman say they are to flirt and fish for compliments. I am huge, as in carrying five babies…huge."

He shook his head, and brushed a kiss to her forehead. "You're beautiful."

She rolled her eyes. "Lucky, I can fit into your boxers…barely."

He placed her on his bed, and put a hand to his heart, in faux offense. "I'm insulted. Are you calling me fat, Sam?"

She shook her head, and laughed. "No, Spencer. You're just well built. Very thick."

"Really. Do ya like your men thick?"

She laughed. "Maybe."

"Maybe!" He launched onto the bed, and began to tickle her lightly, careful not to be too rough. "Woman…I'm paying your bills…"

She stopped laughing, completely, and he stood from the bed.

"I didn't mean it that way, Sam."

She nodded. "Yeah, I know. But, I feel so helpless. I've never completely depended on someone, Lucky. Not completely."

"I know. Would it upset you, if I would say I'm honored?"

She sighed, and smiled. "You're too sweet for your own good."

He puffed out his chest. "I'm gonna take that as a compliment, so thanks."

"Whatever boosts your ego, I suppose."

"Boosts me ego? My ego doesn't need any boosting."

"I know, Lucky. And that scares me. Cus I know, you know, that you could have any woman in this town, but you chose me. Some huge, fat, and what you think is an invalid woman."

"I never said you were an invalid."

"Lucky…"

He sat down at the bed beside her, and brushed tapped her nose lightly, a gesture he only did to her. "Like I said, Sam. I'm honored."


	8. Chapter 8

Sam let out a small groan, and attempted to roll over on Lucky's king sized bed. After a heated argument about her being the one who should take the guest room, he had practically thrown her onto the bed, gave her a little smile, and claimed that the babies would feel more comfortable in a room that felt lived in.

She was huge; beyond huge, and getting comfortable was nearly impossible, when she was being smothered by her own stomach. Then there was the little dilemma of her having to pee. She didn't want to wake Lucky, because he had to work in less than three hours, but if she attempted to go by herself, and just happened to accidentally wake him up, she would get a long lecture.

She pushed herself into a sitting position, and somehow managed to stand on her own, before waddling into the bathroom, joined with the bedroom. A blissful sigh left her, when her bladder finally stopped constricting, as she relieved herself.

Just as she was about to pull Lucky's sweat pants back up, she saw a small dot of blood in her underwear. The world beneath her shifted, as she stumbled back onto the toilet.

"Lucky!" She screamed his name so loud, her throat burned.

In a matter of seconds, he was there, his hair a mess, and boxers riding low on his hips.

"Are you okay?"

She shrugged, afraid if she said anything, she would break down.

His eyes widened, and before she could even blink, he was pulling on jeans and a hoodie. He lifted her into his arms, and proceeded to wrap her in one of his jackets, before hurrying down the stairs, as he tried to carry her and dial a number on his phone, at the same time.

"Yeah, Mrs. Parker? Would you mind coming over to watch Cameron for me? No. Yes, everything is fine. But, I really need you here…soon."

He handed his phone to her, to avoid having to put it back in his pocket, and opened the door.

An elderly woman was making her way through the snow, a blue robe tied tightly around her waist. She let out a small gasp, when she saw Lucky cradling Sam.

"Oh my. Darlin', go. Don't worry about a thing. Cameron will be taken good care of."

Sam attempted to smile, but ended up grimacing. She wasn't in any pain, but she felt as if every second she was loosing another baby. Like every minute signified one of their lives, and if she waited more than five, she would lose them all.

* * *

As soon as they had entered the hospital, Sam was rushed into a room, and forced to change into a gown. She was tense, and staring blankly at the white wall.

"Ya know, Mrs. Parker adores you."

That got Sam's attention. "She doesn't even know me."

"She knows enough, from what I've told her, that you are really passionate about being a mother. I think she's more excited about me being a father than I am."

Sam's eyes shot to his, and her breath caught, at the ease of the way the word 'father' just rolled off his tongue. Before she could say anything, Matt Hunter entered the room.

Matt pulled some gloves on, and motioned toward her lower body. "I'm going to have to examine you."

She nodded, and spread her legs. His eyes widened, then softened. He withdrew his hand, and ran out of the room. After a few hushed mumbles, he returned, a syringe in hand.

"Your cervix is weak, and needs to be sewn shut."

Sam's eyes widened, and her hand came up to muffle a sob.

"But, if we sew it shut now, you should be able to carry to term. The stress of carrying a baby is hard on your already damaged uterus, but five is nearly pushing the limit. Nearly."

She nodded, mutely. "Okay, just do whatever you need to. I don't care about paperwork right now."

He lifted up his needle. "Neither do I, honestly. My job is save those babies, and that's what I'm going to do."

He lifted her gown up, and exposed her hip. "This is a local atheistic. You'll feel a little pinch, but will be completely numb after."

Again, she nodded.

"So, they are going to be okay?" Lucky asked.

Matt nodded. "Yes, but she will need to be on complete bed rest. I mean, complete."

"That's fine. Just as long as my babies are okay." Sam said.

The procedure was surprisingly short, and Sam was back in the car within an hour.

"Are you in any pain?" Lucky asked, as he closed his car door, and started the engine.

"Not at all. Lucky, the cervix doesn't have much feeling…it's just kinda there."

"So you're fine?"

"As long as the babies are, yes."

"The babies are fine. But are you?"

She looked away from him, when she felt tears burn her eyes. He placed a hand on her shoulder.

"Sam?"

She let out a small sob, and shrugged his hand off.

"I just…I feel like I just failed them. Ya know? That, as their mother, I shouldn't need help protecting them. I should be able to do that. My body should be able to do that."

He cupped her chin, and forced her eyes to meet his. "Sam, you are protecting them. The second you screamed my name, you were protecting them. Letting Matt put a needle between your legs was protecting them. Okay?"

She frowned.

"You're going to be a wonderful mother. You've wanted this babies for so long."

"Yeah, I have," pause "you really think I'll be a good mom?"

"No, Sam. I know."


	9. Chapter 9

The next couple months, Sam wasn't allowed to do so much as take one step towards the bathroom without Lucky fussing over her. She appreciated his concern, but the more he took care of her, the more she felt like a useless obligation.

She looked over at Lucky, and laughed softly when he began to snore.

Despite their being another room, she still stayed in his, and ever since having her cervix closed, he had refused to leave her side. She wasn't sure how he found their sleeping arrangement best for the babies. A bed was a bed, and there was more than one in the house.

Yet, he insisted she sleep in his bed, and that meant he was stuck with the wooden chair by his desk, because he refused to leave her alone.

She shifted in an attempt to get comfortable, and found it nearly impossible to move. She smiled slightly at the reason for her discomfort when she felt a hard kick. She rubbed her abdomen lovingly, and silently wondered which one of the five was the one who never seemed to sleep. She knew all their different kicks by heart, but it was just the hard, nearly violent ones that kept up her at night.

She let a small groan when, what she assumed would be her adhd child kicked again, and immediately Lucky's head snapped up from its resting spot on the back of the wooden chair.

He hurried over to her side. "Are you okay?"

She rolled her eyes and glared at him, but slowly a smile spread across her face. "Yeah, I'm fine. It's just impossible to get comfortable enough to sleep with this big mass attached to me."

Lovingly, he rubbed her large stomach, and pressed a kiss to her forehead. "I can take a few more days off if you want."

She shook her head. "No Lucky…as much as I would love you to, we really need the money. Plus having you hover over is making me crazy."

He smiled slightly. "Well, if I'm going back to work, then Mrs. Parker is gonna be keeping you company."

She rolled her eyes, but smiled. "Yes sir, Officer Spencer."

He chuckled, and took hold of her hand, kissing her knuckles.

"Try to get some more sleep, Sam."

She scrunched up her nose. "Easier said than done."

He released her hand, and stroked her cheek softly. "Just try."

He moved to stand, but she grabbed his wrist. "Lucky, this bed is big enough for both of us."

Her brown eyes were pleading with him to just agree, and he wanted to so badly. But, he couldn't share a bed with her, not when every cell in his body wanted to consume everyone of hers.

He started to shake his head, but stopped when her face fell, tears forming in her eyes. He sighed, and ran a hand through her hair, mussing it. It made his heart constrict to know he was hurting her, but it was hard to pretend to be strictly platonic, especially when she knew his true feelings.

And sharing a bed with her, even if it was in an innocent way, would break the rest of his self control. He shook his head, and this time he completed the action. He couldn't. He wouldn't ever take the risk of taking advantage of her; especially not now, when she was so emotional.

She let out a sigh, looked down at her stomach, resting her hands on it.

"Maybe it's best I move out. I mean, with Nikolas leaving Liz, and losing custody of Mimi, she must really need you right now."

He sighed, and perched himself on the edge of the bed. "You're right, Sam, she does need me, and I will always be there for her because she is the mother of my son."

Sam turned her head away, not wanting to see his love for another woman in his eyes, but he tugged her face back towards him.

"But, I'm always be here for you too. Not because of any other reason, but that I want to. With Liz…the woman she's turned into, if she was not the Cameron's mom, I would probably cut her out of my life. But she is, and I have to respect that. But, you…Sam, I'm here for you cus I wanna be."

She stared at him for a long moment, doubtfully, before finally nodding. "Okay, but if she needs to move in…"

"She probably will, but there is a guest room."

"Which is where I should be sleeping."

He brushed her cheek with the back of his hand. "I know you're not used to depending on someone so much, but you are. So that means you are going to sleep in my bed." He pointed towards his desk "And I'm gonna be in that chair every night until you give birth."


	10. Chapter 10

"So, I was thinking…" Sam said slowly, studying Lucky closely for his reaction.

He chuckled. "This can't be good."

She glared and stretched her long legs out across the sofa, as he struggled to put a crib together. She debated on telling him that it would be easier to ensemble them in the nursery, rather than moving them, but she rather liked watching him work.

"That maybe I could go…"

"Not happening," he interrupted her, without taking his attention away from his project.

"You don't even know what I was going to say!"

"It included the word go. You can't leave this house until those babies are here, so no."

"Ya know, I'm really starting to dislike you, Spencer."

He glanced over his shoulder at her, and allowed his eyes to run across her body. She had a yellow sundress on that laid gracefully against her creamy legs and rounded stomach. The smile on her face gave away her excitement for her babies' anticipated arrival.

"You're so beautiful," he breathed out, the compliment leaving his lips so effortlessly.

Her mouth opened and closed several times, before she finally blurted out "my legs are hairy, you need to shave them tonight." Then she blushed furiously, and cursed herself silently.

Lucky's heart swelled when he saw the light pink color her cheeks. He was then he knew he was a complete goner. He had been denying it for months, but it was all bubbling to the surface and he wasn't sure how much longer he could stop himself from pouring his entire heart out to her.

He could tell he was making her uncomfortable, so he smiled softly. "Yes, Mam."

She returned his smile with equal affection, her dark eyes making her love for him obvious. Her eyes gave her away every time, but he would never tell her that, because it would scare her, and Lucky really did like that look.

She averted her eyes to her lap, and began to fidget with her dress. "Lucky, I will do appreciate this, all of this. I'll find a way to pay you back, I promise."

Lucky sighed. He thought they had settled this. He abandoned the task of assembling the cradle and walked over to her. "Sam, I think there are some, um, I guess you could call them boundaries we haven't discussed."

She looked up at him, leery. "Such as…?"

"Such as what these babies are going to refer to me as," he said, his hand, unknowingly, moving to her stomach and rubbing lovingly.

She bit her lip and responded with a simple "Oh."

"I mean I've been here through the entire pregnancy, felt them move. I love them, ya know? I want to be in their life, for the rest of their life."

Her facial expression changed to one of concern, and her hand swiftly moved to cover his on her stomach. "Of course, Lucky. Oh, I would never…"

Tears began to burn his eyes, as Sam cradled his face in her tiny hands. "I would love for you to be the father of my children."

And just like that everything in his life snapped into focus, and all he could remember was this very moment. The past with Liz didn't exist. All the scars on his heart just disappeared, as the movements of his children fluttered beneath his palm.

Her tears soon joined his own, as she leaned her forehead against his. "We're gonna be parents in less than a month, Lucky. To two girls and three boys," she whispered, in awe. "I'm going to be a mom."

Then she laughed joyfully, the happiness coming off of her in waves, as she pulled completely away from him, before lunging into his arms.

"God, I love you!"

She didn't stiffen or pull away like he expected, so he returned her declaration with one of his own.

"I love you, too."


	11. Chapter 11

Sam, with the assistance of Lucky, waddled into the spacious nursery. Lucky had willing given up his work out room, the second biggest bedroom in the house, in exchange for a nursery. Cameron's bedroom was the largest of the four in the house, but neither adult felt right changing his sleeping arrangements.

Though the little boy seemed exited about the prospect of having new babies in the house, he had already had so much change in his life, in such a short amount of time. Cameron was now staying at Lucky's on a more permanent basis, now that Nikolas and Liz split, and she lost custody of Mimi.

Lucky removed his hand from Sam's eyes, having insisted that he wanted it to be a surprise until the last possible second. She just hoped he picked out a decent color for the walls.

When she was finally granted the ability to see, she gasped at the sheer innocence the room seemed to radiate. Three cribs aligned one wall, and two cribs aligned the other along with a rocking chair.

There were two changing tables, one in the closest, right corner, to where she was. And another a few inches from the rocking chair. On the wall, behind each cradle, hung a name plate. Alexander, Lucas, Christopher, Kendra, and Tess were written, in what seemed to be a child's manuscript.

The walls were a pale blue, which relieved Sam. She was never one for pink, but she didn't mind the tiny green polka dots that were randomly placed along the walls. It all seemed to come together. It was perfect.

"So, what do you think?" Lucky asked, his voice anxious.

She smiled widely, and rested her head on his shoulder, exhaustion overtaking her. It wasn't exactly the easiest thing carrying around five babies.

"It's perfect."

* * *

Today was the day of Sam's scheduled c-section. They had more than enough diapers to last the first month or so, thanks to Nikolas and Maxie. Between her little sisters, and Cameron, they had plenty of onesies, jackets, outfits, sundresses for the entire first year of their lives. They were well prepared, when it came to materialistic items.

Physiologically, she was freaking out. What if she couldn't pump enough breast milk before she left the hospital, in order to make sure every baby was breastfed? What if she got overwhelmed and had to switch to formula, surely it didn't offer the same nutrition.

What if something was wrong with one of the babies? She let out a long breath, leaned her head back against the armrest of the couch, and stretched out her legs, forcing herself to relax. She had Lucky, her babies had Lucky. Everything was going to be just fine.

She strained her ears in order to listen to Lucky rummage around for things he insisted they needed. They had already packed the basic hospital bag, pajamas, socks, slippers, nursing bra, pads, basic toiletries, prior to today, so what he was doing, she had no idea.

And, when he began the descent down the stairs, two decent sized bags on his shoulder, she wasn't sure she wanted to know. Cameron came pouncing down the stairs shortly after his father, a wide smile on his face. This whole thing was surreal to his five year old mind, and Sam loved how amazed he was by everything, which was just as much as she was.

The preschooler hurried to her side, and grasped her hand, his wide brown eyes gazing into hers with wonder. "We're gonna have babies?" He asked.

She laughed. "Yes, Cameron."

"Today?"

She lifted her free hand to ruffle his hair. "They're going to have to stay at the hospital for a while, and so am I, but yes, today."

"You mean, like Mimi and Mommy had too?" He titled his head, as if searching for the answer within his own brain.

Sam sighed. "The babies might have to stay a bit longer than Mimi did."

His brown eyes began to water. "But, why?"

"Well, because…"

Lucky appeared behind her, and deterred the conversation. "Well, its time," he announced, a wide smile on his lips.

She laughed and looked up at him. "Who else can say, they know exactly when their babies are gonna be born, before it happens?"

Lucky grabbed hold of her elbow, and helped her to her feet. "Just about every woman who has ever had a scheduled c-section," he countered, jokingly.

She glared up at him. "Smartass."

With his right arm resting on Sam's hip, Lucky reached for Cameron's hand with his left, careful not the drop the bags that were on his shoulder.

"Let's go, buddy."


	12. Chapter 12

_**4 Months Later**_

Two of the five cradles had yet to be filled by their young occupants. Lucas hadn't been able to breathe on his own at first, but Lucky had just left to pick him up from the hospital. Tonight would be Lucas' first night at home.

What was supposed to be a celebration, was simply another accomplishment in the never ending battle of keeping their babies healthy, after they were told Alex had just been diagnosed with RSV, and could not be released with his brother.

Sam wanted so badly to be by her baby's side, but she had three others at home, and another on his way there. She had to trust the General Hospital staff.

Tess began to fuss, and Sam forced herself onto her tired feet and over towards her daughter's crib. She lifted the infant into her arms, and shifted from foot to foot, hoping the movement would sooth the child.

Tess' cries stopped, but her teary green eyes remained open and fixated on her mother. Sam smiled at the vivid color. Tess had developed quite a few physical traits from the sperm donor; her green eyes and dirty blond curls.

Cameron poked his head into the nursery.

"Sammy," he whispered, taking a single step into the room.

When she smiled and settled into the rocking chair with his sister, he rushed the rest of the way in and over to her. He looked down at the baby with large eyes.

"Shouldn't you be in bed, Cameron?"

The little boy shrugged, and Sam shook her head, not having the heart to scold him.

"Lucas is coming home, tonight. I wanna meet him. I wasn't allowed to see him in the hospital."

Tess whimpered quietly in her arms, and Cameron jumped, his young featured twisted with concern and fear.

"Is she okay?"

"She's fine buddy. Probably just tired," Lucky replied, from the doorway, once again reminding Sam of her lack of experience.

In his left hand, he held the most precious thing, her baby boy. Slowly, careful not to jar her little girl, she stood and walked towards him, Cameron close behind.

She looked down at the small, delicate creature being sheltered in his father's arms. He was tiny compared to his siblings, tinier than Alexander even, weighing only six pounds, when his siblings, except Alex, were all around fifteen-seventeen pounds.

But, that didn't phase Cameron, or maybe he just didn't notice as he stated "Our family is almost complete."

* * *

Sam looked at her naked body in the full-length mirror in the bathroom after her shower. Long gone was her flat stomach. It was replaced by layers of loose skin, and countless stretch marks. She was ugly. No wonder Lucky was spending so much time with Georgie lately.

Tears gathered in her eyes at the prospect of not being desirable anymore. Her looks had always been something she was sure of. Something she could fall back on. Now, she had, what seemed to be, permanent bags under her eyes, and spit up on her clothes all the time.

"Sam, are you okay in there?" Lucky's voice cut through the silence, and Sam took a moment to regain her composure before answering.

"Yeah, just getting dressed."

"Okay. I have to work late tonight, and Liz is going to pick Cameron up from school today."

She nodded to herself. Just her and the babies today. She could handle that.

* * *

It was 'tummy time' and she had Christopher, Kendra, and Tess placed safely on blankets, surrounded by toys. Lucas was in a basinet that she carted around the house with her, since he was still so small.

Alex would be coming home in less than a week, at least that's what was planned. With him would be coming oxygen, machines, tubes, and . The idea scared her to no end.

Christopher snatched a toy from Kendra, something that clearly upset her, and triggered a crying fit. In turn, Christopher soon followed, not liking the sudden noise or the fact that he didn't succeed in getting the desired play thing.

The bottle that Sam had been in the middle of preparing cracked in her hand, when she tightened her hold on it. When Lucas woke up and joined in on the screaming, she began to cry as well, cradling her head in her hands.

Surprisingly, Tess remained calm.

"I can't do this," she shouted, knocking everything off the coffee table. "God!"

Then, Lucky came rushing through the front door and began to tend to the children. Sam watched helplessly, sinking to the couch, blinded by her tears, and silently thankful that it was noon and Lucky's lunch break. Lunch. She hadn't fed the kids yet.

She shook her head. "I can't do this. I can't be a mom," she whimpered. "I was selfish to bring these babies into the world."

It didn't take long for Lucky to silence all three fussing children, and he was at her side right after. He tangled his hand in her hair, and pulled her head to rest on his shoulder.

"Hey, you're doing great."

"No, Lucky." She pushed herself away from him. "I'm horrible. I forget to feed them, okay? I…I…I don't know. Women like Carly and Liz make this look so easy."

"I just, I can't." Then, she was gone and locking herself in her room.


	13. Chapter 13

Alexander had been home for a couple days, and Lucky had taken off as much time as he could, but getting a third day off that was paid was impossible. And calling off without pay was unthinkable when they had so many children.

Everything was going smoothly. Surprisingly, Liz had stopped by to help, bringing a dearly missed Cameron with her. The now single mother had him for the week, which was a rare occurrence as of late.

With the help of the other woman, Sam had managed to feed all five babies, and lay them down for a nap, and even make Cameron a grilled cheese sandwich.

It was nearing eleven a clock, and the cherished quiet would soon end, when there was a knock at the door. Sam took her time heading towards the door, her body protesting every movement she made.

Before she even made it half-way across the living room, Georgie Jones entered, as if it was an everyday thing for her. The young girl's eyes widened.

"Oh, Sam. I didn't know you'd be here." It was a simple statement. Nothing condescending or any sign that she had an interest in Lucky. Not that it would matter if she did.

But that didn't stop Sam from becoming defensive. "I do live here, ya know? I am the mother of Lucky's children." Marking her territory, that's what she had just done. She hated it when other women did that, when they became jealous and possessive. Carlyish.

Georgie's brown eyes lit up, not catching the meaning of the statement, or choosing to ignore it, as she smiled brightly. "That's why I'm here. I heard Alex was out of the hospital."

All it took was one of her babies' names on the lips of another woman, a better woman, gentler, more maternal woman, and she was imagining being replaced.

Then the deafening sound of one of her son's machines was buzzing in her ears, and Sam was kicking herself for not keeping him in the bassinet, as she rushed up the stairs. She should have found a way to transport the bulky machines downstairs, or stayed up there with him and just let the dishes sit.

When she finally reached his crib, she let out a long breath, that quickly became a soft sob. Her baby was laying there, babbling happily, having simply pulled the heart monitor patches from his chest. This time when the loud sound triggered crying from half the room, Sam relished in the sound.

When she failed to hear Christopher's cry, she rushed over to him, placing her hand over his chest. She released a sigh when she felt his steady heartbeat beneath his palm. The sound had not disturbed him.

Alex's machine stopped beeping, and Sam turned around to see Georgie turning it off and picking him up. Immediately, she felt something hot spread through out her entire body, something dreadful, as she hurried over to the unwelcome guest and took her son from her arms.

Georgie looked stunned, but then a look of understanding crossed her face, when Sam sat in the rocking chair with the sick baby.

Deciding to allow the mother some time alone with her son, Georgie turned her attention to changing Kendra and then Tess, who both seemed to be mellow babies.

By time, Georgie got to Chris, Sam was laying Alex beside his brother, and joining in on the game. Which was exactly what Chris thought changing his diaper was apparently, as he kicked his chubby legs, giggling cheekily every time Georgie failed to latch the tabs.

Sam smiled at her. "He was like that, even in the womb," she said, standing to place Alex back in his crib, and to take Lucas out of his.

Lucky came home that night to a quiet house to find a sleeping Sam curled up on the couch. Gently, he sat on the edge and smiled slightly at the sight.

She stirred and her eyes fluttered open. "Where were you today at lunch?"

"A new murder case just came in. A little girl," he brushed a stand of hair behind her ear. "It's cases like those that make me realize how lucky I am to have Kendra and Tess."

"Georgie came by," she said, when he failed to list her name with their daughters.

"She did?" He nodded, casually. "Yeah, she was worried about Alex."

"He was good today, considering. Lucas has an appointment tomorrow."

Lucky put a hand to his forehead, in a gesture that Sam found adorable. "Shit! There is no way I can get tomorrow off."

Sam sat up, and grabbed his wrist, taking his hand away from his face. "I'm sure taking five babies to a doctors office can't be that bad."

Her attempt at a joke did nothing to comfort him. "It's not that. I know you'll be fine with them. I just really wanted to be there. I want to be there for it all."

She cupped his cheeks in her hands, his five-o-clock shadow tickling her sensitive palms. "And you will be, Lucky. In fact, I even pumped enough milk for you to do all the feeding tonight," Sam said, hopefully.

Lucky smiled and shook his head. "I enjoy watching you. There's something so beautiful about it. But, if you feel like you need the extra rest…"

"No, Lucky. I…um. Thanks. I really needed to hear that. I'll be fine."

"Okay. How about we both get up every time, instead of taking turns, tonight?"

"Yeah?"

"Yeah," he verified, pressing a kiss to her temple, before going upstairs to peek in on the kids, and take a quick shower.


	14. Chapter 14

Sam fretted with a bundle of green balloons, that seemed to have a vendetta against her, as the wind blew them insistently into her face. It was the babies' first birthday and Sam was so not excited about the entire prospect of her children rapidly reaching the toddler stage.

Yet, she was grateful they were all healthy and were free of all machines. The doctors said Alex was lucky to have made it this far and to be this healthy.

People swarmed around her, all seeming to be holding one of the birthday babies. They had become quite popular among the Port Charles. Especially with Georgie, Emily, and Liz. One of three girls seemed to always have at least one of the babies at all times, or were over at the house helping Sam out as they began to walk.

"Hey, you." A soft, warm voice greeted from behind her. She felt a warmth spread throughout her, as she turned around and met Lucky's grey eyes.

"Hey back at ya, Spencer."

"I can't believe they are a year old, and that Cameron will be six soon."

Sam smacked at the air, effectively ridding herself of the balloons in her face. Lucky laughed, and began to help her blow more up.

"Me either. Or that Mimi will be two in a couple months." Liz's little girl had been spending a surprising amount of time at the Spencer house. Sometimes it felt like they had seven kids instead of five, and Sam was perfectly fine with that.

Maxie stopped beside her, Christopher in her arms, his dark eyes mischievous. She handed the baby over to her best friend.

"Here's your baby, Sam. I think he pooped."

Lucky rolled her eyes and took Chris. "He didn't poop. He just has gas," he stated, while taking the baby from Sam.

"Either way, he stinks."

Sam laughed, causing the balloon she was blowing up to hit her in the face. Damnit!

* * *

**Later that day**

Each of the five babies were a mess. Somehow Kendra had managed to get cake in her diaper and had it tangled in her hair. Getting it out was going to be painful. Poor baby.

While Lucky watched the other four play in the bath, Sam took Kendra from the bath and began to work on detangling her dark baby hair. Most of the cake had washed out, but there was still some left, and the only way to get it out, was to brush it.

Sam winced as the first cry left Kendra.

"Mama!" She screeched, one of few words the little girl knew. Yet, all the children seemed to be advancing quite quickly.

Kendra's small hand came up to swipe at Sam's, but Sam was too quick and stopped her, gently grasping her daughter's hand in her own.

"Dada!" Now that broke her heart. Shattered it. To hear her baby call for her father, because she didn't feel safe. Nothing had ever hurt more.

"Baby, I'm almost done," Sam assured her, and her calm tone seemed to comfort her slightly as the child's tears slowed.

* * *

That night when the babies were all in their cribs sleeping, Lucky found Sam outside, tidying up the yard from the party.

"Hey, you," he said, causing her to jump.

"Lucky, you scared the shit outta me."

He smiled, guiltily and apologized.

Sam shrugged, and he watched, mesmerized by the action, the way it made her elegant collar bone move. Everything about her amazed him.

He wanted her so bad, and having her sleep down the hall for a year was taking its toll. He was only human. She bent down to pick up a fallen balloon, and he caught a glance of the curve of her right breast, and immediately felt guilty.

She deserved more respect than that, he scolded himself. She stood up and offered him a smile, unknowing of his naughty thoughts, and god were they naughty. Her innocent smile made him feel guiltier.

On their own accord, his feet began to move towards her, until when she looked up they were nose to nose. She was like a siren. She let out a small gasp, and that just fueled him more.

And then he kissed her.


	15. Chapter 15

**Fourteen Months Old**

"Oh my God!" Sam shrieked as Kendra stood for the first time, using the coffee table as leverage. She was the second baby to do so, Lucas, surprisingly, having been the first. They were a little delayed compared to other babies, but the doctor assured her they would eventually catch up.

Tears burnt her eyes, as she realized that Lucky wasn't able to experience this with her. She had divided their family.

Sam had recently moved in with her mom, the constant romantic gestures from Lucky had given her the urge to run, so she did.

"You're getting so big!" The proud mom cooed at her daughter, as she lifted the rapidly growing baby into her arms.

Christopher looked up at her, an innocent, joyous smile on his chubby face. He already had two teeth on the bottom, and was the least fussy when it came to teething.

As though Lucas could read her mind, he began to scream, obviously his toys were no longer enough to distract him from the pain of the tooth that was currently pushing itself through the back of his top gum.

She placed Kendra back on the floor, and immediately she began to interact with her brother Alex, communicating with him in babbles and a language the two of them seemed to only understand. They seemed closer than the rest.

Sam scooped Lucas into her arms, and held him close to her chest. "My poor baby," she whispered, tears blurring her vision.

She wished that Lucky was there, as Lucas began to scream even louder. He seemed to be the only one able to sooth the teething toddler lately.

* * *

Lucky leaned back into the recliner, praying that Sam would call soon, needing help with the kids. He missed them all so much, more than he ever imagined possible.

There was actual ache in his chest, and it only became more pronounced when he passed the nursery or Sam's room. And it was Sam's room, just like this was her home. He just hoped she realized that soon, because he wasn't sure how much longer he could live like this.

The phone rang, and he jumped up to answer, hoping it was Sam. It was. Her voice washed over him, and just the sound was enough to give him goose bumps.

He hung up and waited for his family to arrive. Apparently, Lucas was fussy and missed his 'dada'. Whatever the reason, he was just happy they were coming home, even temporarily.

He heard a car horn, and knew that was Sam's way of telling him to help her unload the kids. He missed this, missed watching Sam coo at the babies as her hair blew in the wind and she swiped at it in frustration, or one of the babies grabbed hold of it.

Once everyone was inside, Lucky picked up a fussy Lucas, and slowly twirled in a circle, causing the infant to quiet. Once Lucas was settled, Lucky put him down on the floor and joined him along with the rest of the kids.

"Daddy missed you guys," he admitted, before looking at Sam, who was on the couch "all of you."

Sam shifted uncomfortably, and he cursed himself, and his big mouth. He just hoped she wouldn't leave. When she stayed put, he turned his attention towards his children and began to laugh with them as well as at them.

"Dada!" Tess exclaiming, copulating her tiny body into his. She was a daddy's girl, and her bright green eyes were shimmering with tears, evidence that despite their young age, they felt the effects of the separation.

"Miss," the little girl declared, and Lucky knew what she meant. It almost made him cry.

He glanced at Sam just in time to see her wipe a tear from the corner of her eye. Maybe she would be coming home sooner than he thought.


	16. Chapter 16

Sixteen Months

Today marked exactly two months since she had moved out of the Spencer house. All of the babies had quickly become toddlers, and were grabbing anything and everything within their reach. All of them except for Tess, and Sam was getting worried. She hated it when Lucky had the kids. It gave her too much quiet time.

Tess was clearly a smart child. It was evident in her clear eyes and expressive face. Her vocabulary was even developing faster than the rest, but still, she worried.

The thought of one of her children not being completely healthy scared her.

Then there was Lucky. Sweet and patient Lucky had asked her to come home. And she had agreed. She had gotten caught up in the moment, watching him bathe the kids before she left them there for the night.

It had reminded her of how they used to be, so she had slipped and said what she had really been wanting to say since the beginning of this entire mess. Yes.

Then there was the expensive medication, that she couldn't afford, for her recently diagnosed depression or PPD. The therapist had said she should have come sooner. She had lost most of the baby weight, but the lose skin was doing nothing for her self-esteem.

That led her thoughts back to Tess. What if something was wrong? How could they afford the doctor bills? They couldn't. They were still paying off the gynecologist bills from during the pregnancy.

And with their teeth all coming in, they would need to see the dentist for the first time. Maybe having them was a mistake. Not them being here. No, she loved them too much to think that. But her being picked to be their mother was the mistake.

* * *

Lucky struggled to get Alex, the only one left naked, dressed, as the other four began to toddle out of the bathroom, somehow having outsmarted the baby gate. He was just glad he had decided to use the downstairs bathroom for safety reasons.

Sam was going to be coming home, and he couldn't be happier at the thought of having his family back together. But, he could feel a sense of hesitation coming from her ever since she had said yes, as if she hadn't really wanted to.

But, he wasn't about to let her back out. He would back off romantically, completely. Let things go at her pace, even if it meant never being together. He just wanted her back home. Where she belonged.

He released Alex once the toddler was zipped up in his pjs and diaper for the night. Now that most of them could walk, he needed to talk to Sam about potty training them.

Once she moved back in, it could be something they did together, as parents. Lucky was quick to exit the bathroom and see what his children were getting into to.

Surprisingly, they were all sitting in front of the t.v., except for Kendra who was stuffing something in the vcr. He really needed to move that up higher.

"Kendra, no!" Lucky scolded gently, tapping her hand. She starting to whimper, but was soon all out screaming her little head off. Her blond curls (from the surrogate dad's side of the family) slapped her face, as she shook her head rapidly, and her chubby face turned red.

Just as fast as he had scolded her, Lucky was taking it back and soothing his crying daughter. He couldn't stand to see any of them cry, especially the girls.

"Baby girl, it's okay. Daddy will just buy a new VCR." If they even sell them anymore, he thought.

"Lucky, what did you do?" Georgie suddenly asked, obviously having let herself in.

She scooped the crying girl into her arms, and immediately Kendra quieted.

"Dada deed," Kendra complained. The d sound was one of few she knew, but Georgie knew she meant 'mean'.

"I think you might have done something wrong, Miss Kendra," Georgie protested.

Kendra hung her head.

"Wanna help me put them to B E D?" He asked, hopefully, spelling out the word bed.

Georgie smiled. "I'd love to."

* * *

That night, Sam cried herself to sleep, because when she had called to say goodnight to the kids, they had not only already been in bed, she had heard another woman in the background.

Lucky knew she called at 8:30 to say goodnight, so why would he put them down at 8:15? Was the other woman sleeping in her room, or even worse in Luckys tonight?

Was Sam being replaced?

* * *

"So Sam is moving back in?" Georgie asked.

"Yep," Lucky replied, happily, sipping on his coffee.

"That's great! I really hope you guys get your happy ending. You both deserve it."

Lucky sighed and placed his hand on top of Georgie's. "So do you and Logan."

_**To read the rest of this story, click on the link in my profile.** _


	17. Author's Note

If anyone is interested in reading the rest of this story, please leave a review. I will upload the rest of the chapters for you. It's already finished.


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